Publishing the Verdan Chronicles (Part 3)

I never intended a Part 3, but recently returned from my first convention of the year, C2E2.  By the way, I highly recommend these pop culture conventions as a way to celebrate your passions and bond with like-minded people.  And if you do decide to go, C2E2 is one of the better ones.  You can read more about this and other conventions at friendsofcc.com.  I have an article or two there about my con experiences.

So what does this have to do with my publishing journey?  A lot...and very little.  I like to attend panels at these conventions and enjoy hearing my favorite actors and actresses discuss their journies and their projects.  I find it inspirational...and a lot of fun.  Most of their stories involve hard work and prove that success can come from a myriad of sources and follow some very strange paths.  Most of those in the entertainment industry appreciate the opportunities they've been given and the fans that support them.  Most also give back where they can.  Frankly, I find most of them to be very good people, worthy of their fandoms.

So on a creative and personal level I take away a lot from these conventions.  So why do I also say they contribute "very little"?  It's because these conventions offer a wealth of information on how to write and how to publish; yet I've taken advantage of none of it.  They offer opportunities to promote your work, yet I've ignored those opportunities.  Why don't I take advantage of these things?  I do think about this and am not sure I have one answer, but many.  I'll explore those in the following chapters.  It may help me understand myself a little better and maybe it will help other aspiring writers understand themselves as well.

Reason 1:  It will take time away from doing the things I really enjoy.  Ok, so on the surface this is true.  These conventions are packed with activities from roaming the exhibit hall floor to attending celebrity panels, to getting autograph, to getting photo ops, to just hanging out and talking to other people.  All of this is true.  But there are times I am just wandering the floor for about the fifth or sixth or tenth time.  Is that really necessary.  Maybe I don't have a lot of time at these conventions, but if I really wanted to, I could make some time to take in a panel on writing or publishing or just spend some time talking to other authors.  Yet, I don't  do this.  This can't be the only reason.

Reason 2:  Writing is my hobby, not my full time profession.  This is also true.  But it's also a hobby that I've spent thousands of hours on.  Since committing to my series, this is not something I spend 1-2 hours a week doing; more like 10-20 hours a week.  At minimum, you could look at it like a part time job.  I've blogged more than once about how my writing skills are probably average.  It's not that I don't want to do better.  Even as a hobby, I've listened to constructive critcism from others and have tried to do better each time.  This also can't be the only reason.

Reason 3:  I refuse to competely acknowledge that I'm an author.  I guess this depends upon your definition of an author.  Sometimes I refer to myself as a storyteller, because what I'm really doing is telling a story.  To me, being an author means that people (more than just friends and coworkers) are reading and enjoying what I write and that I have a steady stream of royalties, even if they remain small.  This kind of goes back to reason number 2; a storyteller writes as a hobby, an author writes professionally.  Putting myself in the storyteller category means I don't have to work on my writing and publishing, I just have to tell the story.  I'm not sure this is so much of a reason, or just an excuse. 

Reason 4:  Fear of being exposed as a fraud.  I think now we're getting more to the heart of the matter.  If I attend these panels, take their advice, improve my writing and take advantage of other publishing opportunities, what happens if the Verdan Chronicles still remains in obscurity?  It means that what I'm writing is of no interest to others, or worse yet, I'm not even an average writer, I'm terrible.  And my claim that the story is as good as anything else ever written will be exposed as a delusion.  I'll no longer be subjected to constructive critcism and supportive comments, but will be outright ridiculed for even thinking to call myself an author.  My dreams will die and I currently find solace in their possibilty, if not their eventuality.  This may not be the only reason, but its a strong one.

Reason 5:  A lot of advice just doesn't work for me.  This is kind of true.  Lulu has sent me lists of things I can do to help promote the Verdan Chronicles.  Some of them just make no sense to me, or make me feel uncomfortable.  I don't want to go to a panel and be told I have to do X, Y and Z to get my work noticed.  What if I don't like doing Y?  What if Z involves money I don't have?  I've said all along that I won't jeopardize my family's well-being.  I could look at it that if only X works for, then I'm still better off than if I hadn't attending the panel.  But what if even X doesn't work?  Then I will just get frustrated, consider that I've wasted my time and confirmed what I also believe...there is no one formula to success.  This reason may be a little weak, but it's still a reason.

Reason 6:  I feel presumptuous and a little embarrassed to talk to successful writers and suggest that I belong in their company.  This is just another form of fear and insecurity.    Writers on these panels are there because they are succesful, admired and have fan bases.  They are willing to share their experience, yet I'm unwilling to learn because...well, because I have this "I'm not worthy" complex.  if I was more successful and had more readers, then I would feel worthy, but then I'd probably be asked to be on these panels.  This reason is kind of weird, but it's also real.

So those are my reasons that immediately come to mind.  If you're still reading, what does this mean to you?  It means that if you want to succeed and want to be a writer you should confront your fears.  Don't follow in my footsteps.  If you do, you may be allowed to hang onto your dreams a bit longer, but you're definitely making the path a much longer one.  I truly believe their are talented people out there willing to help you, but you have to open yourself up to their help.  I'm working on it.  I still dream.  I'm still trying.  I still believe in the Verdan Chronicles.

And that's my last bit of advice.  Continue to believe in yourself and your story.  Make that belief bullet-proof.  If others want to ridicule you...so what?  If they can't take away your belief, then they can't hurt you.  I've said this before, but it bears repeating...set realistic expectations, but dare to dream big.  Having put these thoughts out on the internet, maybe at the next convention I'll take some of my own advice.  Or maybe I'll just be the next subject for that new show I've seen promos for..."How the Internet Ruined My Life".  We shall see.